My Immortal with Commentary
by UbiquitousTime
Summary: So, I've decided to do what countless other writers have done, and tackle My Immortal - TEG-style. Yes, it rots my brain cells, but it's actually rather fun. I'm rating it M for random sex scenes, that have no sort lead-up to.
1. Chapter 1

_**Oooookaaayyy. So I've decided to do what countless other writers have done, and tackle **_**My Immortal**_**. Wish me luck. (By the way, what I add will be in bolded italics, and parenthesizes.)**_

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AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) _**(hahaha, no. actually, I don't get because you're goffik. Is goffik even a word?)**_2 _**(what about the number two?)**_my gf (ew not in that way) _**(if not that way, then what way? Gunfondler?)**_raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. _**(poor raven, you must have been driven insane after the first two words and given up. It's okay.)**_U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! _**(poor justin. I feel for you.)**_MCR ROX! _**(I like MCR, but hearing her say that they rock just killed me a little on the inside.)**_

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way _**(that's a nice long name, two questions. Why the random apostrophe, and dementia? That's telling us you're going to have issues.) **_and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) _**(you were born with a head full of 'ebony black' hair? Can something even **__be __**ebony black? No, just ebony. Or just black.) **_with purple streaks and red tips _**(um, yeah. Honey, as much as it pains me to say this, that sounds repulsive.) **_that reaches my mid-back _**(so it's not actually thaaat long.) **_and icy blue eyes like limpid tears _**(lol,wat.) **_and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). _**(I happen to not know who Amy Lee is, but I think I'll stay and take a nap.)**_ I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. _**(Didn't your parents ever teach you that incest is not the way to go?)**_ I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. _**(That's most vampires, if Twilight is anything to go by. Then again, I'm not so sure about that.)**_I have pale white skin. _**(That's also most white vampires, honey.)**_ I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) _**(wait, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOFF? Because you know, you're like goffik… so goff. Haha, get it? Goff=goffik, goth=gothic. Oh wait, no, you wouldn't and it's not you that goffik, it's tara. I beseech you, forgive my ingnorance.) **_and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic _**(I don't live in England, so I can't be sure, but are there even Hot Topics IN Europe/England?) **_and I buy all my clothes from there. _**(Really? I thought if you loved Hot Topic you'd get all your clothes from, say, Abercrombie.) **_For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it _**(Intense, yo.) **_and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. _**(That's even more intense. Black, black, black, pink, and black?) **_I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. _**(Wait, why are you wearing white foundation if you've already got 'pale white skin'?) **_I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining _**(obviously, the rules of weather don't apply at Hogwarts. Duh, where have I been?) **_so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. _**(Because that's how kind, courteous people respond to people who stare at them? Oops, I always asked them if something was the matter. I guess I didn't get the memo.)**_

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy! _**(dundundundunnnn.)**_

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. _**(Draco Malfoy? Shy? Pssht. Excuse me for a moment, Tara, Ebony. I need to go crack up in a corner where it won't offend you.)**_

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. _**(Oh, what a simply enlightening conversation! Tell me, what is your view on world peace?)**_

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! _**(I still have yet to figure out 'fangz' means.)**_

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_**So tell me, is it any good?**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Alright, time to tackle chapter two. Yesss.**_

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AN: Fangz _**(Yet to figure out what this means. ;)) **_2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! _**(Kudos to you, bloodytearz666, but it seems you haven't done a very good job.) **_BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! _**(Ok. When you make it less flammable, I'm sure they'll comply with your wishes.)**_

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. _**(You know, it would be kind of creepy if you woke up in say, Susan Bones' bedroom.) **_It was snowing and raining again. _**(WEATHER RULES DO NOT APPLY. DO NOT QUESTION IT.) **_I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. _**(Because everyone sleeps in coffins, and has bottled blood on their nightstand. Right. Why am I so surprised?) **_My coffin was black ebony _**(Like everything else you own?) **_and inside it was hot pink velvet _**(Intense. Why so much hot pink and black and red and white? Oh, you're goffik. Right.) **_with black lace _**(See? More black.) **_on the ends. _**(Ends? Shouldn't it be like… edges?)**_ I got out of my coffin and took of _**(you took of?) **_my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, _**(Not quite sure this is the right transition word, honey.) **_I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram _**(Forgive my ignorance, but what exactly IS a pentagram? Is it some sort of goff thing?) **_necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. _**(What is with you and black leather, combat boots, and fishnet?) **_I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, _**(Those are some serious piercings.) **_and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. _**(a kind of messy bun?)**_

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) _**(Oh dear, she's included her bffl.) **_woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black _**(I don't think 'raven black' is correct, either.) **_hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. _**(WAIT, she grinned at you **__before__** opening her eyes? I don't know about you, but that sounds **__**très chaleureux.)**_ put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, _**(a black mini what.)**_ fishnets _**(FISHNETS. AGAIN WITH THE DAMN FISHNETS.) **_and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) _**(More black. And why white foundation? Aren't you already white? And what happened to showering and brushing your teeth, dammit? Are you that unhygienic?)**_

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. _**(Because that's the first thing I say to my friends in the morning. No, Good morning. Nope.)**_

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. _**(Wait, what happened to all the corridors in between? Did I miss the memo when they told us all the common rooms now connected straight into the Great Hall?)**_

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. _**(That's why you blushed when she brought it up, right? Right. I knew that. Duh, why did I even bother asking?)**_

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. _**(Flirtily… Is not a word, sorry to burst your bubble.)**_

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are _**(is.) **_having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. _**(wait, why is a MUGGLE band having a concert in a WIZARDING village? And why does Draco Malfoy know of it?)**_

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. _**(aren't wizards supposed to swear to Merlin? So it would be like… Oh. My. Fucking. Merlin! Or OMF…M.)**_

"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked. _**(oooh.)**_

I gasped. _**(CLIFFHANGER OH MY GO-MERLIN OH MY MERLIN.)**_

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'_**Oh my Merlin' doesn't have the same ring to it that 'Oh my God' does. Anyway, you see I do occasionally let a cuss word slip. Sorry.**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Okay, chapter three. Oh, and I figured out what a pentagram was. And I do know what fangz means, it just irritates me how she uses it. **_

_**(To amanda the goff; hey, and thanks for reviewing! i'm glad my comments make this fun for you to read, because i know it would be hard to otherwise.)  
><strong>_

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AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! _**(I told you, when you stop making it so flammable, they will.) **_odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! _**(I …don't even.) **_FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. _**(Oh, Tara. We all know you wrote this. Don't try to do deny it by saying you don't own it.)**_

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. _**(BLACK LEATH AND FISHNET AND CORSETS.) **_I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. _**(how do you make mid-back length hair look all spiky?) **_I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. _**(Oh yes. This is what all normal people when they feel a little depressed. Haven't you been keeping up with the times?) **_I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding _**(Wouldn't that just make you more depressed? And wouldn't you get blood all over the book?) **_and I listened to some GC. _**(with what? An iPod? I thought Muggle devices didn't work in Hogwarts.) **_I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. _**(How would you walk under tons of BLACK eyeliner?) **_Then I put on some black lipstick. _**(Why am I not surprised that it's BLACK?)**_ I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. _**(Oh, so NOW you acknowledge it. What about the last two chapters?)**_ I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. _**(What poor human did you murder to get it?)**_

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. _**(Wait, isn't that illegal? And why the hell would Draco have a muggle contraption?)**_ He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), _**(Way to just add that. Right now.) **_baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner _**(BLACK. AGAIN WITH THE BLACK, DAMMIT. But also, lololol, guyliner.)**_ (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). _**(I'm not sure I really want to decipher that, but I think it says 'A lot of cool boys wear it, ok?')**_

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. _**(I thought you said you loved Good Charlotte. Since you're going to their concert, shouldn't you be, I don't know, excited?)**_

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) _**(Ooooh, a Mercedes-Benz. Classy. And 666?) **_and flew to the place with the concert. _**('flew to the place with the concert.' Descriptive. Very.) **_On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. _**(Well, isn't that pleasant. Were you taught anything as a child?) **_When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). _**(Those are some interesting lyrics…)**_

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad. _**(why so sad, yo.)**_

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. _**(OHMYGO-MERLIN, SHE FINALLY GETS IT!)**_

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. _**(…On second thought, nevermind.)**_

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. _**(Er, yeah. Sure.)**_

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." _**(I don't think Hilary Duff's middle name is 'fucking') **_I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. _**(I don't think she's drop-dead gorgeous, but Hilary Duff isn't that ugly.)**_

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer _**(UNDERAGE DRINKING IS FROWNED UPON.) **_and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. _**(I thought Simple Plan was playing too? Did they just get, like, ignored?) **_Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, _**(ONOZ)**_ instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest! _**(dundundunduunnnnnn. The suspense. It's killing me.)**_

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_**Ha,ha,ha. I had a little trouble with this chapter. Dunno why.**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Aaaaannnnnd, chapter four.**_

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AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY _**(Oh, really? Then I must have been mistaken, but I thought her name was Ebony…) **_nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok! _**(I don't know what that said. I think it was 'OK! Draco is soo in love with her that he is acting different! They knew each other before, ok!)**_

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" _**(Um, isn't it obvious Enoby? He's driving into the Forbidden Forest.)**_

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. _**(Curious! Curious, curious… Curiouser and curiouser.)**_

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. _**(Wait, I thought you were curious, not angry. D8 I have been LIED to.)**_

"Ebony?" he asked. _**(I THOUGHT YOUR NAME WAS ENOBY. TARA SAID SO. I WAS LIED TO. AGAIN.)**_

"What?" I snapped. _**(Oooh, feisty.)**_

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) _**(Ooh, how intense. Goffik red color contacts to cover his stunning silver blue eyes… /shot) **_which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness _**(Um, you can't really read emotions through color contacts. It doesn't work like that.) **_and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. _**('depressing sorrow and evilness' makes you feel not mad? I question your logic, girl.)**_

And then... suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. _**(Not random at all, you know.) **_Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly _**(Keenly? Is that even the right word to use here?) **_against a tree. _**(Oh yes, poor tree.) **_He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. _**(How do you 'take of' something?) **_Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what _**(Your amazing descriptions never cease to astound me.) **_and we did it for the first time. _**(That's memorable. The first time, against a tree. With Draco Malfoy's thingie in your you-know-what.)**_

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. _**(Ah.) **_We started to kiss everywhere _**(How do two people kiss everywhere at the same time?) **_and my pale body became all warm. And then...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" _**(YEAH, WHAT THE HELL? …Er, sorry.)**_

It was...Dumbledore! _**(Oh damn, it's Dumbledore. Wait, why is Dumbledore cursing? And yelling, for that matter? AND, why is he in the Forbidden Forest?)**_

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><strong>_

_**OH MY GO- MERLIN, ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER. I MIGHT JUST DIE FROM THE SUSPENSE. At any rate, how was it?**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**I KNOW, it's been like, three days since my last update. Sorry, I got sidetracked.**_

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AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! _**(Waitwaitwait. Why is everyone who is partially sane a prep or a poser? I'm not a prep. Or a poser.) **_Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache _**(he wat because of a wat.) **_ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! _**(I'm not really quite sure what 'sexx' is. Is it some form of …nevermind.) **_PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! _**(Oooh, good luck with that, honey. I'm sure your goffik buddies will post something good. 'i luv ur story and im so ecixted dat I slit my rists!')**_

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. _**(What's with 'and Draco and I'?) **_He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. _**(Now I must admit, that is a nice insult.)**_

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. _**(You know, I'm not sure if I should be worried or not that you're crying tears of blood.) **_Draco comforted me. _**(Aww, isn't he just a sweet boyfriend? SPOILER ALERT: HE DIES.)**_ When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. _**(Wait, why are they angry? They don't even know what happened. Or maybe they were arguing again.)**_

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. _**(Who actually says 'sexual intercourse'? It's called 'fornication'.)**_

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. _**(I can't believe myself, but she has some pretty good insults.)**_

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape. _**(BECAUSE… BECAUSE FORNICATION IN THE FORBIDDEN FOREST IS ALL THE RAEG.)**_

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" _**(Damn, I was **_**wrong**_**.)**_

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." _**(That's anticlimactic.)**_

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us. _**(Professors.)**_

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. _**(lolyes.)**_

"Yeah I guess." I lied. _**(Lying hurts your conscience. Every time you lie, it gets eaten away a little bit. After a lot of lies, YOU'LL HAVE NO CONSCIENCE.) **_I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. _**(Why.) **_When I came out... _**(Wait, why did you brush your teeth and hair (which I always thought you did before going to sleep) and then change into a floor-length dress and then come out?)**_

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, _**(WHY IS HE IN THE GIRLS' DORM.) **_and he started to sing "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte. _**(I'd say something like, 'aww that was sweet' but frankly, it's rather creepy.) **_I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. _**(Aww, no.) **_We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

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_**): I don't think this was one of my best works. Sorry guys, I kind of lost inspiration in the end.**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Compensation for not posting for a long time, I'm working double time. It's comment, upload, post. Comment, upload, post. Comment,uploadpost. Commentuploadpost. . Yeah. You get the gist of it, right?**_

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AN: shjt up prepz ok! _**(Wait, what up?) **_PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! _**(Like I said last chapter, Tara. 'omg ur story is soooo gooood i slit my rists wiatnig for dis chap')**_

The next day I woke up in my coffin. _**(Um, if you didn't wake up in your coffin, where would you be waking up? Certainly not in Snape's room. …ihope.) **_I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. _**(Pardon my harsh language for a moment, dearies, I've been meaning to say this for a while. 'SLUUUUUUUUUUT.') **_I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. _**(Okay, I'm good. But wait, wouldn't that be… 3 sets of piercings? I thought you only had two. LIAR. LIARLIARPANTSONFIRE.) **_I spray-painted my hair with purple. _**(lolwut.)**_

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula _**(ffffff.) **_cereal with blood instead of milk, _**(That's just nasty.) **_and a glass of red blood. _**(Isn't that kind of redundant? I mean, I don't drink a cup of milk when I have cereal (with milk) for breakfast.) (And do they even serve that in the Great Hall?) **_Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. _**(It's okay, Enoby, I'm sure it didn't make much of a difference, whatwith all the black and red anyway.)**_

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. _**(Be nice, Enoby.)**_ I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. _**(OHMYGOD, IT'S ANOTHER FOGG. UH, GOFF. SAVE ME NOW.) **_He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face _**(You were going down his face? Because of excess guyliner? /confused) **_and he was wearing black lipstick. _**(Oh, so you mean like EVERY OTHER GOFF BOY IN THE WORLD. Ahem.) **_He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. _**(Wait. Wat. This is Harry. Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived. And you just turned him goff and hid his pretty green eyes. D8) **_He had a manly stubble on his chin. _**(He forgot to shave?) **_He had a sexy English accent. _**(That usually happens when you live in England. Just saying.) **_He looked exactly like Joel Madden. _**(*googles Joel Madden.* Yeaaaaah, no. Not seeing the 'semblance.) **_He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. _**(Um. Okay. Run-on sentence. Whatever floats your boat.)**_

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. _**(*nasally voice* I'm so sorry.)**_

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned. _**(That's nice. First you call him a bastard, then turn around, get wooed, tell him 'it's alright' and then ask him his name. **____** I see your manners.)**_

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. _**(lololol, Vampire Potter. Has a certain ring to it that 'Harry Potter' didn't have, you know what I mean? No. s'okay, me neither.)**_

"Why?" I exclaimed. _**(OH YES, BECAUSE YOU JUST ASK PEOPLE WHY THEY CALL YOU SOMETHING AFTER YOU JUST MET THEM.)**_

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. _**(Men. Don't. Giggle, dammit.)**_

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed. _**(Oooh! Confession time! Well, I'm …uh, not a vampire.)**_

"Really?" he whimpered. _**(Men. Don't. Whimper either, dammit.)**_

"Yeah." I roared. _**(Why the sudden change in attitude? Are you on your rags or something?)**_

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me _**(Not creepy at alll~)**_ and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. _**(That's not polite.)**_

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_**Bwahaha. I kind of like this one. Yeah. And the 'are you on your rags or something?' is courtesy of my husband, who I once ripped his head off for nothing in particular.**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Ahahaha, chapter seven. Okay, heads up.**_

_**I'm dedicating chapters 5-10 to Sera, whose birthday is July the 30**__**th**__**. happybirthdayserailoveyou.**_

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AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. _**(WAIT, GOD CAME DOWN AND REVIEWED FIVE TIMES? AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ANYBODY?) **_n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! _**(Question: How do you get tin reviews?) **_STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! _**(You can't report someone for flaming, lololol.) **_Evony isn't a Marie Sue _**(I THOUGHT HER NAME WAS EBONY. BUT THEN YOU SAID IT WAS ENOBY. NOW IT'S EVONY? D8 I'M SO CONFUSED. Also, wussa a Marie Sue?) **_ok she isn't perfect _**(Nobody's perfect, I gotta work it~ /not the lyrics) **_SHES A SATANITS! _**(She's a … sat on nits? wut.)**_n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake! _**(Yes. I realized this when she slit her wrists for no reason and then bled all over her books.)**_

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish _**(So, why so much detail needed?) **_as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish _**(Um, I didn't understand that sentence. Sorry guys, or I'd make some crackpot joke at it.) **_(AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru _**(Maru Sue?) **_Sue 2 u?). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. _**(Again, why so much detail.) **_I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. _**(Why? Is he secretly bi? Gay? (nothing against bi/gays, by the way. I have plenty of friends who are.) **_Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. _**(Ooooooh.) **_We went into his room and locked the door. _**(Silencing charms usually are good too. …WHY AM I OFFERING YOU ADVICE FOR THIS?) **_Then...

We started frenching passively _**(Passively? Whatever were you thinking of at the time?) **_and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. _**(OHMAN. NEKKIDNESS.) **_He felt me up before I took of my top. _**(I thought you already took it off?) **_Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. _**(I THOUGHT YOU ALREADY TOOK THEM OFF?) **_We went on the bed and started making out naked _**(wat, no boxers?) **_and then he put his boy's thingy in mine _**(In your boy's thingy. wut. /blanch)**_and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) _**(Yes, it is, and I don't understand why you had to emphasis the 'HAD SEX'.)**_

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden _**(ONOZ, DID YOU FIND OUT HIS SECRET? Spoiler Alert: Draco has AIDS.) **_I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. _**(DARK MARK!~) **_It was a black heart with an arrow through it. _**(…Or not.) **_On it in bloody gothic writing were the words... Vampire! _**(dun dun dun dunnn.)**_

I was so angry. _**(You know, it could mean you. Whatwith you being a vampire and all.) **_

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed. _**(He never… nevermind.)**_

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. _**(All you know is that he has a black heart tattoo with an arrow through it that says 'Vampire'.)**_

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" _**(HAH, I WAS RIGHT IN MY SPOILER ALERT.)**_

I put on my clothes all huffily _**(All huffily?) **_and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. _**(No one wants to see you naked, Draco. Sorry to burst your bubble.) **_He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. _**(You can never be too mad to care. ;D /shot) **__I_ stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. _**('and some other people'? Way to make them feel loved.)**_

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. _**(DUNDUNDUNDUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.)**_

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_**Sera left before I finished. :**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Okay, I've got to finish 8, 9, and 10. :3 For the record, Sera, they were done. Just not uploaded. ;D**_

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AN: stop flassing ok! _**(YAH GUYS, STOP FLASSING! …wait. What's flassing?) **_if u do den u r a prep! _**(Again, why. Is. Everyone. A. Prep?)**_

Everyone in the class stared at me _**(I wonder why.) **_and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked _**(I don't think streaking is allowed, Draco.) **_and started begging me to take him back. _**('Oh please, Ebony! Please, my dearest goddess, do take me back as your faithful lover!' /shot)**_

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. _**(Oooh… Wait, didn't you pretty much say that …last chapter?) **_

My friend B'loody Mary Smith _**(The random apostrophe. WHYYYY.) **_smiled at me understatedly. _**('understatedly'? Huh.) **_She flipped her long waste-length _**(Waste length? Hang on, everyone, gotta throw out her waste-length hair.) **_gothic black _**('gothic black.) **_hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. _**(DAMMIT, SHE SMILED BEFORE OPENING HER EYES. HOLY SHIT, THAT IS THE CREEPIEST THING. EVER. Also: 'crimson eyes like blood'?) **_She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. _**(I doth not see the point.) **_Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. _**(Ohno. Ohno ohno ohno. She got Hermione too! NOOO.) **_Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother _**(That's terrible, considering Voldemort only kills JUST ABOUT ANYBODY.) **_and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. _**(Now, that's not a good example to set for your children.) **_She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. _**(I can imagine.)**_ It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. _**(But… why. Smith is only the most generic last name is existence.) **_(Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) _**(You can't just… switch houses! And I like how you totally just bashed the name 'Gryffindor.')**_

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" _**(Yess, the insults are back. I'm going to make a list of insults, and when to use them.) **_Snape demeaned _**(Demeaned? THAT's not very nice, Snape.) **_angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. _**(Don't ignore your professors. That's rude, and points off waiting to happen.)**_

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. _**(OOOOOOH, THE SECRET IS OUT!)**_

Everyone gasped. _**(Um. *delayed gasp*)**_

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. _**(So, um, random switch of POV?) **_I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) _**(I knew he was bi!) **_for a while but then he broke my heart. _**(Oh, I'm **_**so **_**sorry to hear, Draco! /shot) **_He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. _**(Oooh, a stupid preppy fucker who is probably not a goffik slut and a very nice witch.) **_We were just good friends now. _**(Suuuure. More like friends with benefits, amirite?) **_He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) _**(Hahahahahahahahaha, no.)**_

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire. _**(You just admitted that once upon a time, you had… Baaad move, Harry. Er, Vampire.)**_

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. _**(Now, that's not very nice at all, Ebony. Go back and apologize.) **_I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest _**(Oh no. Not the Forbidden Forest again.) **_where I had lost my virility _**(Butbutbut. Virility, as per Wiki: '**__**Virility**__** refers to any of a wide range of masculine characteristics viewed positively. It is not applicable to women or to negative characteristics.' So, what?)**_ to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. _**(You bust into tears. Right.)**_

_**PAGE BREAK**_

_**Yeah, chapter eight is done. **___


	9. Chapter 9

_**Okay, chapter nine~ **_

_**PAGE BREAK**_

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! _**(You what? Oh, you didn't read all the books. Well, you should before you join a fandom.) **_dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! _**(I'm puh-retty sure ol' Dumbles doesn't swear in the movie.) **_besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! _**(Headaches don't make people swear. Sometimes they do. But… Yeah, not a likely excuse.) **_and da reson snap _**(snap?) **_dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! _**(Snape? A CHRISTIAN? PSSSHT. Give me a moment, please, I need to just – pfffttadfbaksdgafwd. Ah. Okay. I'm okay now.) **_MCR ROX! _**(Yeahyeahyeah.)**_

I was so mad and sad. _**(Mad and sad at once. Nice.) **_I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. _**(You better believe it. He's a teenage boy. Although… No offence to all you teenage boys reading this.) **_I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. _**(Aww, how sentimental. Not.)**_

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything _**(VOLDEMORT! …also, 'and everything'?) **_started flying towards me on a broomstick! _**(Voldemort doesn't need a broomstick to fly. He's Voldemort.) **_He didn't have a nose _**(You said this already. About… a sentence ago.) **_(basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. _**(Not everyone who wears all black is goffik. Funerals, anyone?) **_It was... Voldemort! _**(Um, yeah. So I figured.) **_

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice _**(Wouldn't that be more like 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'?) **_but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" _**(The curse's incantation is 'Imperio'. Get your facts right.) **_and I couldn't run away. _**(Sure you could've, you could've fought it. But of course, you're too weak. Sorry, I forgot.)**_

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. _**(Wait, Hermione's half-kneazle?) **_Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. _**(lolwat. Hermione-sorry, B'loody Mary Smith's half-kneazle responded to Enoby's call and attacked Voldemort? How does **_**that **_**work?) **_I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. _**(You're a horrible sadist.)**_

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" _**(Why archaic English? I thought Voldemort was more like 'DON'T KILL HIM HE'S MINE I HAVE TO KILL HIM AND IF YOU KILL HIM I'LL CRUCIO YOU UNTIL YOU'RE DRIVEN INSANE.')**_

I thought about Vampire and his sexah _**(why.) **_eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. _**(Nope. Sttiiiiillll not seeing the 'semblance, Enoby.) **_I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? _**(A MISUNDERSTANDING! IT'S LIKE A SHAKESPEAREN COMEDY! Only wait, this is much, much, much worse.)**_

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. _**(Sounds like you're begging him not to go.)**_

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. _**(WHY A GUN. WHY DOES HE EVEN HAVE A GUN.)**_

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" _**(Yeahyeah, enough with the archaic English.)**_

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. _**(He's Voldemort. HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.)**_

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. _**(/cracks up) **_"I hath telekinesis." _**(Sure.) **_he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. _**(orlynao.) **_Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. _**(Can you even fly angrily?)**_

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. _**(Um, kill Harr- Vampire?) **_Suddenly Draco came into the woods. _**(Ahh. Impeccable timing, good sir. I must commend you.)**_

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" _**(…Weren't you just pissed at him? Oh wait, you had an epiphany.)**_

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. _**(Boo,hoo. Would wittle Dwakey wike a cookie?) **_He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) _**(Frankly, no, I don't get it.) **_between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. _**(Stop mentioning those two people, dammit. I'm going to lose interest in MCR at this rate.)**_

"Are you okay?" I asked. _**(Gee, what do you think.)**_

"No." he answered. _**(Well, there's your answer.)**_

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." _**(CHEATER CHEATER PUMPKIN EATER.) **_I expelled. _**(Expelled. Not quite sure if that's correct.)**_

"That's okay." he said all depressed _**(Shouldn't you be happy now?) **_and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. _**(wat.)**_

_**PAGE BREAK**_

_**What, no cliffhanger again? Buh-oring~**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**YESS, CHAPTER TEN.**_

_**PAGE BREAK**_

AN: stup it u gay fags _**(Oi. That is rude. People can't help being gay, you know.) **_if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! _**(I think I'll stay and take a nap in the corner.) **_ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! _**(Um, Hermi – sorry, B'loody Mary was never a muggle. And you can't just… just SWITCH houses!)**_

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. _**(Vlodemort. Is he Voldemort's good twin? Haha, get it? Because he can't the evil twin because Voldemort's already evil. Hahah, yeah, I'll shut up now.) **_I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. _**(…) **_I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. _**(Nevermind that one is heavy metal, and the other two are pop punk/emo.) **_The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, _**(Oh, no.) **_Vampire, _**(Oh no.) **_Draco, _**(Ohno.)**_Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) _**(OHNO. THEY GOT RONALD TOO. Also; why Diabolo?) **_and Hargrid. _**(Who?)**_ Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. _**(lololol.) **_I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak) _**(A steak? You mean I can throw my dinner at you and you'll die? :D Also: I thought Draco was just emo… er, goffik.) **_and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. _**(Choose a better movie, Vampire. Like Inception. /shot) **_I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. _**(Really? I would have never guessed that you weren't a slut. Everything about screams 'WHORE/BINT/TART/WHATEVER ELSE IS DEROGATORY IN THIS SENSE'.)**_

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' _**(Wat.) **_and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. _**(AGAIN WITH THE BUSTING INTO TEARS!)**_

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice. _**(/opera voice Aaaarrreee youuu okaaaayyyy?)**_

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. _**(Well, derp. I think you're overjoyed.) **_And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears. _**(Aww, don't cry. Everything will work out in the end because you're a Mary Sue.)**_

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. _**(Not creepy at all.)**_

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) _**(FUCKING POSER MUGGLE BITCH ISN'T A MUGGLE.)**_

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. _**(I cry, you cry, we all cry for… ice cry!)**_

We practiced for one more hour. _**(Great. While crying, right?) **_Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. _**(DUNDUNDUNDUNNN.)**_

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. _**(What **_**haven't **_**you done is more like it, amirite?) **_(c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." _**(WAIT, I THOUGHT VAMPIRES COULDN'T DIE FROM SLITTING THEIR WRISTS. THEY HAD TO BE KILLED BY A CROSS OR A STEAK. I HAVE BEEN LIED TOO.)**_

_**PAGE BREAK**_

_**Ta-ta-ta~**_

_**Look, I know it's been FOREVER since my last update, and that's because ff-net was being a butt. So here. I'll finish eleven and twelve later.  
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	11. Chapter 11

_**YES, I'm finally on chapter eleven. For the record, kiff, I didn't forgive you. I'm writing this so I don't fall asleep before it's even 8.**_

_**PAGE BREAK**_

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! _**(THEY'RE NOT ALL PREPS.) **_c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 _**(I can't really say I've had experience with the word 'srupid'. Do tell, what does Wikipedia say of it?) **_ it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! _**(Wait... what? Did you type this with your toes and with your eyes closed?)**_

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! _**(I believe the word is spelled 'horrified'. Juuuust for future reference.) **_B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. _**(Well, THAT was mean.) **_Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. _**(Hah, Dumbledore wouldn't care. He's **_**gay **_**dammit.)**_

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. _**(That's a lot of blood loss. Wow.)**_ They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. _**(WHILE they were bleeding? And you didn't even bother washing your clothes? And WHY ARE YOU DESTROYING MY MUSIC BY MENTIONING IT HERE. STOP.) **_I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. _**(OI! That's MY dinner you're trying to kill yourself with. Uh-uh. Hand it over. Go get somebody else's steak. This one's MY dinner and I'm eating it.)**_ I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. _**(Sandly? Is that even a word?) **_I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff _**('stuff'.) **_on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. _**(six. really.) **_I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed... _**(THE REDCOATS ARE COMING. Uh-i-i-IMEANWUT.) **_Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. _**(Who's Snap? And Loopin? And masticating, as per Wikipedia, '**__**Mastication**__** or **__**chewing**__** is the process by which food is crushed and ground by teeth.' So, he was chewing to a video of you? What is he, a cow?)**_

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! _**(Wait, didn't you already put clothes on? You know, the black dress and the black heels and the earrings.) **_ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT! _**(Oh yes, definitely.)**_" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. _**(Over your clothes?) **_Suddenly Vampire ran in. _**(WHAT IS HE DOING IN THE GIRLS' DORM'S BATHROOM?)**_

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. _**(Wait, what? Does that mean he just tried to kill himself...? Also: Men don't HAVE wombs. Er, at least, not to the extent of my knowledge. P'raps they do.) **_I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times _**(And you didn't run out of bullets? /whistles Do tell, what gun are you using? The one Voldemort gave you?) **_and they both started screaming _**(Really. I would have thought they started moaning.) **_and the camera broke. _**(It got hit by a bullet, or it spontaneously combusted?)**_ Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. _**(WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING IN THE GIRLS' DORM'S BATHROOM.) **_"Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" _**(That someone has NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) **_he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly... _**(A buffalo landed on his chest! Right, right?)**_

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. _**(Wait, wut? NOW, I'm more than confused. I'm... bewildered!)**_

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" _**(Okay, so he's probably some fellow seventh year, like Enoby and Draco and Ha-Vampire and Ro-Diabolo and Herm-B'loody Mary. At first I thought he might've been Hagrid.)**_

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT..." Hargirid _**(Hargirid.) **_paused angrily. _**(Not for dramatic effect?) **_"BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" _**(WHAT IS THIS BLASPHEMY?)**_

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice _**(I agree, Snap. Whoever you are.) **_as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. _**(Lol,wut.) **_"There must be other factors." _**(I love how she portrays Snape as all cold and proper and the likes. lololol.)**_

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. _**(HAVE ANY WHAT? BALLS? I know, I'm not a guy.)**_

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. _**(Hahahaha, triumelephantly! xD Also: I thought you said the camera broke?)**_ "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" _**(Ohhh.)**_

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. _**(I don't know, I've never drunken blood. ...Except that one time I got a cut that wouldn't stop bleeding. And that other time... And -yeah.)**_

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. _**(His what?)**_

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. _**(When you feel faint, that doesn't mean you suddenly become bad at decision making, derp.)**_

"BECAUSE...BECAUSE..." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. _**(Because, because, because I'm just followin' mah heaaaartt~ /bad singing) **_Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. _**(Yo, 50 Cent, he was just fifteen when his parents built a very - waaaait, that's not right.)**_

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. _**(YESSSSSS, OF COURSE HE'S GOFFIK.)**_

"Because I LOVE HER!" _**(Does **_**everybody **_**love Enoby? She's such a Mary Sue it's not even funny!)**_

_**PAGE BREAK**_

_**That... was really, really, really bad. I know. Sorry. :**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Ohhhkay. This is chapter twelve, in case you hadn't noticed, and I decided to do a little... er, touching up. I'm going to start updating at a more regular pace. I don't know what it's going to be yet, but don't expect daily updates. I think it'll be more than once a week, though.**_

_**also: that above was written in august... it is now december... obvi i lied. do not expect frequent updates... in this story **_**or_ any others. because, you know, i have a life too._**

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AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! _**(Stop what? And Hargrid is a pedo to a lot of people in American schools are like that I wanted to address the issue. WHAT? It's 'Hargrid is a pedo.' and 'A lot of people in American schools are like that so I wanted to address the issue', right?) **_how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! _**(WAIT, WHERE DID CEDRIC COME FROM? ...AND I THOUGHT CEDRIC WAS DEAD.)**_

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago _**(Drago? So now she's even changing **_**his **_**name! :( ) **_had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. _**(Aww, how touchingly sweet.)**_

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. _**(ONOZ! WHATEVER IS VAMPIRE SCREAMING ABOUT NOW?) **_He started to scream. _**(AHHH, THE TERROR!) **_ "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" _**(Oh. But-um-what.) **_and then... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. _**(His red whites? Is that like... egg whites? lololol, egg whites in his eyes. LOLOLOL.)**_

I stopped. "How did u know?" _**(Know **_**what**_**.)**_

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" _**(IT WAS ALWAYS A LIGHTNING BOLT, DAMMIT.)**_

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" _**(And I thought I would eventually get used to your horrible abuse of the English language and stop loosing brain cells. I guess we're all wrong sometimes, aren't we?) **_I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me _**(You can **_**do **_**that? ...And when did Ro-OKAYFINE, DIABOLO learn this kind of magic?) **_and I always cover it up with foundation." _**(Psssht, make up is for preps. :P) **_he said back. _**(You can say something back? o.o)**_ "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! _**(LOLWUT. Isn't that like saying 'MY ARM HURT AND IT TURNED BACK INTO A TURNIP!'?) **_Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!" _**(Oooooh, kinky.)**_

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. _**(I thought you couldn't die from them anyway. D8 And didn't you slit them plenty of other times without going to the Hospital Wing?) **_Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. _**(Who who and who?) **_They were going to St. Mango's _**(LOLOLOL, SAINT MANGO'S.) **_after they recovered cause they were pedofiles _**(Wait, they got sent to St. Mungo's because they were pedos? whatisthisidon'teven.) **_and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. _**(Um, sure. You just keep thinking that, Enoby.) **_Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera _**(wat. he constipated.) **_they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses. _**(Awww.)**_

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses. _**(In a verb serious voice? o=)**_

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, _**(BUT YOU ALWAYS WEAR PINK D8) **_ and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. _**(Gottik... That's a new one.)**_

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." _**(Onoz. What are they, then?)**_

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" _**(How can roses be goffs?) **_I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. _**(YEAH, BE APPRECIATIVE FOR ONCE.) **_"No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently. _**(.)**_

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly. _**(an girly... is that like an hero?)**_

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. _**('wisely')**_

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" _**(i- wat. first of all, i have vocal chords, kthx. also, watf petulus merengo my chemical romance i'm not okay?)**_

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. _**(no shit, sherlock.) **_Now I knew he wasn't a prep. _**(oh yeah, i turned these roses into this big ass black flame, so now i'm not a prep. you know. the usual gothic shit.)**_

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" _**(what is draco? i don't know, why don't you tell me.)**_

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing. _**(BALLS OF FIAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR)**_

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?" _**(watching you watching me watching us watching the flame? inception? wut? also: yeah, in order to see what's in them flames, you have to find yourself. yeah. definitely.)**_

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. _**(lol, i don't have a headache, so you can get off the hook.)**_

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. _**(yes, i just heal magically. yup. right. duh.) **_There was some corset stuff on the front. _**('corset stuff') **_Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. _**(FUCKING FISHNET BLACK LEATHER HIGH HEELS AND WHATEVER ELSE.)**_ I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. _**(i put my hair all out, gaiz.)**_

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. _**(what, now we speak japanese too?) **_"Fangs (geddit) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. _**(what. the. fuck.) **_I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. _**(what. the. fuck.) **_I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. _**(HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA, I LIVE IN THESTRAL TAILS.) **_He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. _**(poor Hufflepuff.)**_

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way. _**(who says 'hi back' when someone greets them? isn't it usually like, 'hi' or 'hey to you, too (:')**_

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then... we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. _**(lol, WAT.)**_

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" _**(oh, goody goody gum drops, a new insult!) **_shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else. _**(McGoggle... lolol... also, just watching. you know. because you see gothic mary sues screwing Harry Potter every day.)**_

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily. _**(wait... what?)**_

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

"NO!" I ran up closer. _**(I THOUGHT YOU RAN AWAY.)**_

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!" _**(wat.)**_

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111 _**(SPECIAL FANGZ 2 ALL MY READERS!111111ONEONEONEELEVEN111! ...i can't even **_**try**_** to write like her. yeesh.)**_

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER IS _**(YEAH, I BORROWED IT, SORRY.)**_


End file.
